Why I Don't Take Buses

 

The alarm seemed to be a little louder this morning. Perhaps it was because I was already awake knowing in 3 minutes or so the day would start dictating to me what needed to happen and what part I would play in that. Mondays are always the most hectic in my world. Not necessarily in a bad way, as I welcome them with clarity and planning….most of the time!

It is raining today; high’s expected only to see 48. I love these cold, dreary mornings; although so many of my friends despise them. Not me, never! Any morning that directs my car to pull into a local coffee shop to have a “Grande something strong and warm” is a good start to the day for me. What a wonderful morning, a prayer of gratefulness before my feet hit the floor, my kids off to their expected destinations, my husband running out to make a living for us and I get to throw my Best of the 70’s CD in, grab a rubber band to hold all of my crazy, wild brown hair and head off to a destination that inspires me.

Oh the smell of fresh ground coffee and the words to Dream Weaver dancing around in my head! I think for a moment and wonder if I have died and this is what heaven is! In case you haven’t noticed, it’s the simplest things I find joy in. Believe me, it was not always this way and it took a 14 month journey to get here.

Not too long ago, my life was consumed with a Blackberry, a career that owned me and a boss who knew no boundaries. Deadlines, company crisis, employee drama! I was on a shipped doomed for an iceberg with only 2 life jackets. And neither one was for me. I was a guest in my own home and my children communicated with me more through a phone than a sit down conversation. Who was I kidding? What was I even looking for? A high paying job, a chance to make a difference in the world, or was I one of those people who was so in need of approval that I needed to be needed to like who I was?

Well, 4 years into it, I got fired and it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me! Yes, it hurt, Yes, I was shocked they would do that, Yes, I fell apart! It wasn’t that I did anything wrong, it’s just I couldn’t stay on the bus. It was stopping places it shouldn’t and spinning its’ wheels. I was initially thrown from the bus and I am certain it was still moving when it happened. I walked around in a daze for several months just trying to figure out what I did that was so wrong. How could they let me go especially after all my hard work and sacrifice? Do I call them and beg forgiveness in hopes that they would bring me back? This was probably the most insane thought I had during the process. But everyone needs to be needed right? Everyone needs a purpose.

God, fate, the plan, the reason for my being…these things were going to come together in the months that followed. I was going to cry a lot, which I did, I was going to be angry, which I was but in all of that, I was going to find something that had been kept from me until I could fully grasp and appreciate it. MY LIFE! And when the light bulb went off (don’t you love those moments?) I found great joy in cooking for my family, maintaining our home, clipping coupons, negotiating financial matters, being a wife, a mother and a friend. I can’t tell you enough what a lifeline my circle of friends were. How they grabbed me right before I went over the edge and how they held my head above water when the waves were too heavy for me to fight. Enough can’t be said about your best girlfriends!

Eventually after I got over my scrapes and took off my bandages. I took all the experience I had in the business world and decided to apply it to my life. Not someone else’s. After all, these were my gifts and who could use them better than me? Although I was now no longer the bread winner in my family, my role in maintaining a strong foundation was critical. I realized how green the grass really was on the other side. How wonderful the air smelled and how much comfort I found in the simplest of things. Yes, we had to do a material and financial inventory. We had to determine what we could and could not live without and some days, money for a latte’ just isn’t there. BUT what is there is my freedom. And that cannot be bought as it is priceless. Sitting here at the coffee shop and writing allows me time to study people when they come in; some rushing to catch that bus, some trying to find their bus. I waive my hand though to let it know to pass me by. I don’t ride buses anymore. I prefer to drive myself and sometimes even walk.